a set o' dull, conceited hashes

confuse their brains in college sses!

they gang in stirks, and e out asses,

in truth to speak;

an' syne they think to climb parnassus

by dint o' greek!

gie me ae spark o' nature's fire,

that's a' the learning i desire;

then tho' i drudge thro' dub an' mire

at pleugh or cart,

my muse, tho' hamely in attire,

may touch the heart.

o for a spunk o' an's glee,

or fergusson's the bauld an' slee,

or brightpraik's, my friend to be,

if i can hit it!

that would be lear eneugh for me,

if i could get it.

now, sir, if ye hae friends enow,

tho' real friends, i b'lieve, are few;

yet, if your catalogue be fu',

i'se no insist:

but, gif ye want ae friend that's true,

i'm on your list.

i winna w about mysel,

as ill i like my fauts to tell;

but friends, an' folk that wish me well,

they sometimes roose me;

tho' i maun own, as mony still

as far abuse me.

there's ae wee faut they whilesy to me,

i like thesses—gude forgie me!

for mony a ck they wheedle frae me

at dance or fair;

maybe some ither thing they gie me,

they weel can spare.

but mauchline race, or mauchline fair,

i should be proud to meet you there;

we'se gie ae night's discharge to care,

if we forgather;

an' hae a swap o' rhymin-ware

wi' ane anither.

the four-gill chap, we'se gar him tter,

an' kirsen him wi' reekin water;

syne we'll sit down an' tak our whitter,

to cheer our heart;

an' faith, we'se be acquainted better

before we part.

awa ye selfish, war'ly race,

wha think that havins, sense, an' grace,

ev'n love an' friendship should give ce

to catch—the—ck!

i dinna like to see your face,

nor hear your crack.

but ye whom social pleasure charms

whose hearts the tide of kindness warms,

who hold your being on the terms,

“each aid the others,”

e to my bowl, e to my arms,

my friends, my brothers!

but, to conclude myng epistle,

as my auld pen's worn to the gristle,

twa lines frae you wad gar me fissle,

who am, most fervent,

while i can either sing or whistle,

your friend and servant.